


Irresolute

by EmpressOfTheFlame



Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternative Timeline, Angst, F/M, Fluff, I'm just doin' as I please essentially hope y'all enjoy the ride, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-09-29 00:37:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17193197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmpressOfTheFlame/pseuds/EmpressOfTheFlame
Summary: Why were things never as simple as they could be? Why did you let yourself be sucked up into this mess? Why hadn't you moved back home?Because it was Destiny.





	1. Curiosity

**Author's Note:**

> This came to mind after showing multiple friends Far Cry, voting amongst ourselves for who we found to be most attractive among the Seed Siblings, and then me finally satisfying my thirst to write for it. The 'Reader' has a defined personality that might not appeal to all, and I apologize for that, but I much prefer writing in second-person compared to first. 
> 
> I was also super intimidated to post this because, after going through the Far Cry 5 tag and consuming as much content as possible, it's obvious how much amazing writing talent is in this fandom and I was worried I wouldn't be able to uphold the standard of the tag. I decided it's best to just do what I love and hope that others enjoy my contributions to the fandom! 
> 
> I'd also like to note that this takes place before the beginning of the actual game, but after Joseph has moved back into Hope County with his brothers. It's also before the Cult gains the violent edge they get at the beginning of the game, as it's commented on that for a few years the Cult was 'peaceful' and then suddenly got armed and that's when all that bad things started to go down. Either way, it's a work of fiction, so hopefully y'all are ready for me to make some changes here and there if the story calls for it (nothing too drastic or out of character for the Seeds).

You had wished you’d stayed in the north, wondering how different things might be for you had your parents never moved you to Montana. 

You hadn’t meant to get sucked up in this cult business, you had been ready to fly back home but something had stopped you. Things just started going wrong, like your car breaking down, and then your phone disappearing so you couldn’t even call a cab; your frantic searching hadn’t turned up anything, and with your flight gone, you hadn’t had nearly enough money to buy another plane ticket. Your only choice was to just deal with the cult, wait things out, hope the lunatics leading it all would become irrelevant, and then things would start to feel normal again. 

You were a nurse, the type who helped all types, so you were privy to the gossip that spread around town about the cult (that you now knew was called Eden’s Gate). You pretend to be disinterested but it’s the most fascinating thing that’s happened around town lately, even if it did make you feel unsettled; they hadn’t done much besides go from church to church, stealing followers here and there for their own cause. You hadn’t yet heard the name of the so called leader of the Cult, mostly because everyone willing to talk about the cult was already among them and revered him so highly they wouldn’t disrespect him by referring to him as anything but the Father. 

“Don’t get curious.” The head nurse scolded you when she saw you listening in on a patient’s conversation, “That cult is nothin’ but bad news for us.” 

“I just like to gather information to make my own opinion, ma’am.” She gives you a pointed glare. 

“From the conversations we’ve had, you don’t seem much interested in religion.” 

She wasn’t wrong, of course, you hadn’t been much interested in religion even after moving to an incredibly religious area. Your parents had thought to take you to church when you were younger, but you were always antsy in the pews, staring up at the wooden Jesus on the cross uncomfortably and wondering how an hour could feel so damn long. You had never quite liked the environment the church offered, but it’s not as though you didn’t believe in a higher power; there had to be some type of something making things happen, right? 

“Nah, not interested in religion. Interested in the psychology behind it all.” 

You weren’t lying when you said that, per se, you were actually fascinated by the Father managing to gain so many people in such a short amount of time. What exactly was he preaching to them? If the head nurse hadn’t constantly thrown out the pamphlets brought around by the Eden’s Gate members, you’d probably have figured it out, but she always kept you busy so you wouldn’t go digging around in the trash for them. She berated the cult and its members every chance she got, to the chagrin of the other nurses; even if they didn’t believe (which you knew some were becoming swayed to at least hear the Father preach), they thought it was in poor taste. What if a patient was a believer? 

The head nurse learned her lesson, soon. 

You had been minding your own business, typing away a patient’s chart when you heard the shrillest scream pierce your ears; you felt like they might be bleeding, but quickly went back to thinking about where that scream came from. You worked on a unit where there were plenty of horribly injured patients with painful wounds, it could’ve been one of them easily, but there was something off about that scream. Something in your gut told you this wasn’t just a patient lashing out and misbehaving, but something more, and your instinct is proven correct when you see security fly by the front desk to one of the rooms in the back. 

You’re quick to follow with two other nurses who had been going about their normal business, curiosity getting the better of you, but you soon wish you hadn’t. Being a nurse, there were just things you had to stomach and deal with, you’d dealt with every type of fluid of every color, but there’s something about seeing torn flesh and blood gushing from the source that made all those experiences fly out the window. 

The head nurse was on the ground, gray hair matted with blood as she laying twitching on the floor, scratch marks all over her chest as though she’d been clawed by a wild animal. The worst wound was mostly likely on her head, looked like blunt force trauma, but when you got closer you could see a gash on her neck that was no mere scratch (and was responsible for most of the blood spilling to the ground). When you see there’s no one helping her you’re quick to kick into action, putting pressure on the neck wound and calling over the other nurse to investigate the head wound. You were trained to try your best until that last breath was taken, and her last breath was approaching quickly; you look around the room trying to find something to help this predicament when you spot the security officers restraining a patient. 

When you make eye contact with them is when they begin to scream. 

“This world will be engulfed in flames, and you non-believers will deserve every ounce of pain that falls upon you! Those who do not listen to the words of the Father will find themselves facing the wrath of-” The patient is yanked back and silenced quickly, the nurses now all openly gaping at them. The only assumption you and the others could make was the head nurse had said the wrong thing in front of the wrong person, and she was being punished for it. Not by God, but by some crazy follower who thought they could act on behalf of God. 

Or, more specifically, on behalf of the Father. 

After the tragedy at the hospital security grew tighter, and you could hear the local police using this as fuel to the fire to speak out against the cult; how long would that last? How long before the Father found some followers among the local police? There had long since been power imbalances when it came to civilians and officers, what happens when those officers have even more reason to abuse their power in the name of religion? Where would there be safety? 

You joined the Cult for purely selfish reasons, and there was no denying it. 

It hadn’t been your idea to approach the place you knew the Father would preach at, but a dear friend of yours, Maribelle, had finally broken and decided to join them. She was at a low point in her life, husband dead after shooting himself, and her kids preferring to live with her grandparents over her. You couldn’t let her just go in alone, let that Cult take advantage of a woman down on her luck, and had thus agreed to go with her. You could also chalk it up to your insatiable curiosity about the goings on, but you didn’t expect to be dragged so deeply in. 

~*~

“I know her.” 

Joseph glances over to his right, looking at the young woman standing by his side, holding some pamphlets that were going to be delivered into town. He follows her gaze to two women who had just entered the church, one clearly eager for relief from her worldly troubles and the other… well, they weren’t as easy to read. They were clearly uncomfortable, but not specifically with his followers, it seemed the discomfort stemmed from the church and religious symbols itself. 

He approaches the two women confidently, standing tall and giving a gentle smile as he welcomed them. He was always kind to newcomers, no matter how volatile they were when they first approached him, though he was always thankful to those who were open to listening to what he had to say. He introduces himself and he can see the realization dawn in the younger ones face, to which she quickly glances away from him while the other maintains eye contact, eager to hear what more he has to say. He establishes physical contact, one last test to see how easily moldable they might be, to really test which of them might join, and he’s unsurprised when the younger one pulls away from him while the other leans into his touch. 

~*~

You were uncomfortable. 

There was something off about Joseph, almost like he was too calm for his own good considering some of the crazed things that came out of his mouth (according to his pamphlet, which held many direct quotes from his sermons). You didn’t want to be too rude, nor did you want to invoke the wrath of him and everyone around him by being disrespectful, but you found yourself looking away from his piercing gaze. You didn’t know if God actually spoke to him or if he was just full on delusional, but you’d never met a person like him before; a person who seemed like they could really look into the darkest depths of your soul and see all the ugly bits you wanted to keep hidden. 

You were a non-believer, wishy-washy in your opinions on the Cult, and a coward. You let life pass by daily and seemed to have little purpose, going to work, going home, reading some book, going to bed, and then repeating everything else. Would this church give you a purpose? Would it lead you down some path you were meant to be on? You don’t know how much you believe in destiny or fate but you did believe in your intuition, and even if you felt slightly unsettled by the sight of the Father before you, there was a steady feeling deep in your chest that told you not to be afraid. 

You were doing what was best, what felt right, and that would only lead you down the path you should be on. 

Maribelle goes to take a seat at a pew but as you go to follow her you’re stopped by Joseph, who asks you in his even tone if he could speak with you some more. Your crutch is gone as Maribelle didn’t seem to notice you didn’t follow her, and you were still too intimidated to deny him what he wanted; you nod even though you wanted to shake your head, and you listen carefully as Joseph begins to speak. 

“My child, I can see it in your eyes. You want to believe me, my words, and I want to tell you that He has led you to this meeting. In your very soul I can see that you know He has led you right to where you belong, among us who understand you.”

You had walked in apprehensive, unwilling to listen to what he had to say and only wanting to look out for your friend, but there’s some peace that his words bring. When you glance around the makeshift church you can see that he’s likely right, there are people there who identify with your own personal struggles and who were seeking the help of the Father. You finally meet his eyes and feel an odd warmth spread across you, something placating you, setting you at peace for the first time ever inside of a church. Joseph gives you another simple smile before leading you to where Maribelle sits, and you take your seat beside her. 

“What did the Father have to say to you?” She whispers, looking rather excited. “I’ve heard he’s a man of wisdom beyond his years, beyond any normal lifespan us humans could have. Goodness, I wonder what he’s gonna speak about tonight.” 

You still try to keep your wits about you even as he begins his sermon, but the passion with which he speaks, the confidence behind his words as he talks about the Voice that spoke to him, it makes you want to believe. But there’s still a grounded part of you telling you to keep steady, to not fall too deeply into a mans words just because they were spoken in a way that appealed to you, and to instead be critical about what it was his words were attempting to do. The entire hour he spoke seemed to pass by in a flash, and before you knew it, you were walking out of the church with Maribelle beside you. 

“I haven’t felt this wonderful in days.” She looks up at the sky. “I wonder if the children would come here with me one day, maybe the Father would be able to talk some sense into them… help them deal with their grief.” 

You wanted to tell her to just see a damn therapist or family counselor, but kept your mouth shut, knowing this meant a great deal to her. Once you exited the church you didn’t feel as enamored anymore, as though the fresh air was finally bringing you back to your senses and you realized how insanely weird it was to be inside a church listening to someone preach when you hadn’t done so for years. You’re so distracted you don’t notice you’re about to ram into someone until your shoulder hits something solid, nearly causing you to tumble into Maribelle. 

“Sorry.” You mumble out, still absorbed in your own thoughts, but when you looked up to meet the eyes of the person you’d run into you felt your heart pause for a solid second and any previous thoughts you were having vanished like a puff of smoke. 

His eyes were a beautiful blue, just as piercing as Joseph’s but with a far more mischievous glint to them. Whoever you had run into was without a doubt related to him, you had heard the Father’s brothers helped him out with church activities, but there was something different about him when compared to the Father. While Joseph’s eyes had first made you restless and then at ease, one look into this strangers eyes set every nerve of your body on fire, and you can quickly feel yourself become flushed. You could try to chalk it up simply to him being attractive, but that didn’t seem to be the right word; you felt drawn to him, this mystery man… Perhaps the effects of the church hadn’t worn off quite as much as you thought. 

The man holds your gaze without blinking, his face blank at first before his lips move into the form of a smirk; you figure he’s getting ready to say something about your staring problem, probably alluding to how attractive he is (he seemed the type to be that cocky), but Joseph exits the church before any dialogue can be exchanged between the two of you.

“John, I see you’ve met the newest members of our flock.” 

“Unfortunately, I haven’t had the pleasure of learning the names of these two beautiful women.” 

“Maribelle Gold.” She’s quick to introduce herself and you’re thankful for her, because she finally snaps you out of your staring contest with John, to which you immediately look towards Joseph instead. You can practically feel John staring a hole into the side of your face, sensing he wasn’t entirely pleased you were looking at his brother and not him, but you didn’t want to make your attraction to said sibling any more obvious. 

A name is a powerful thing, you thought, and you hadn’t wanted to give it away so easily, perhaps as some type of flirting ritual or maybe because it felt like your last line of protection against this religion. If they didn’t know your name, it’d make it harder to come after you, right? But Maribelle, not wanting to be rude, elbows you for not speaking up and introduces you herself. You turn to look at her instead, now feeling as if the two other men were towering over you, though you’re not sure why you suddenly feel so intimidated. 

“We should get home, Maribelle. Four o’clock in the morning comes quick.” You try to be quiet but both men overhear with ease, especially since the night was uncharacteristically quiet and most people had dispersed. 

“So early?” John quirks an eyebrow, clearly not as done with the conversation as you are. You’re positive he’s probing for more information on the two of you, for what reason, you’re not sure, but what you are sure of is that you’re uncomfortable and want to go home immediately. Unfortunately, Maribelle doesn’t sense this or perhaps she’s used to having to deliver southern hospitality, and quickly gives John the answer he’s looking for. 

“We’re nurses at the biggest hospital in this county, got a lot of early mornin’ shifts comin’ our way after…” She quiets down when she remembers the head nurses death, and exactly who had caused it. “I apologize Father, but she’s right, we really must be goin’.” 

Both men bid you farewell but John reaches out to touch your shoulder, much like Joseph did in the church, and grabs your attention one last time. You meet his eyes briefly and almost fall under his spell again as he exchanges pleasantries with you and Maribelle, mentioning that it was nice to meet you before releasing you from his grip. 

“I think that boy had his eye on you.” Maribelle offers up when you’re back in her pick-up, “Real handsome, that one. Heard he’s a lawyer.” 

“I do need me a man with money.” You laugh nervously, hoping that a joke might help with how tense you feel but find that you’re likely to be wound up the rest of the night. 

So much for sleep.


	2. (Un)Expected Visitor

You were notably frazzled at work the next day, having only gotten about an hours’ worth of sleep that had been plagued by a nightmare of fire raining down on the world. You didn’t know if it was from Joseph’s sermon or the fact you fell asleep listening to the news last night, but either way, you were unsettled and awake. You make a note not to watch the news for now, maybe never again; what’s the point when everything on it manages to be so miserable? You’d rather be uninformed than depressed, but you know that line of thinking probably wouldn’t garner you much respect. You wished you were the type of person who could deal with things like that and still keep your head held high, but your optimism stemmed from ignoring terrible things when you could.

Did that make you a terrible person? Perhaps.

You make yourself a strong batch of coffee, hoping that it’d be enough to at least get you through the first half of your shift. You’re relatively busy from the minute you enter the hospital that morning, and it helps keep your mind off what had happened last night until Maribelle excitedly comes to talk to you behind the nurses’ stand.

“You’ll never guess who’s here!”

“Maribelle, I’m too tired for guessing games. Please just spit it out.” You lazily type a few more words into your patients folder before giving up. “I think I’m gonna take a nap in the on-call room.”

“You northerners are so rude sometimes, ya know that?” She scowls. “Learn to make some friendly conversation with your co-workers!”

“Northerner? I knew I didn’t recognize your accent.”

 _Motherfucker_ , Maribelle was right. If you had listened to her instead of thinking about that nap you desperately needed, you would’ve known exactly who the visitor was before he had approached and you could’ve made a quick exit. John approaches the nursing station and stands on the other side, nodding in acknowledgement of Maribelle who greets him cheerfully.

“Uh, yeah.” You don’t look over at him and busy yourself with your patient file once more, “I’m from New Jersey. Been here most of my adult life, though.”

More information slipped out of your mouth than you had wanted to, and you can practically feel the smile on John’s face, but you don’t dare look up. It’s probably beautiful, you think to yourself, imagine seeing that smile and those eyes looking at you, looking right through you into your very heart, imagine how great that would feel knowing he looks at you in such a way that-

“Enough of that.” You slam your hand down on the keyboard and submit the patient file, inhaling sharply as you turn to face John. “Do you need something, Mr. Seed? I can’t imagine what a big time lawyer wants from a few nurses.”

“Ah, so you’ve heard of me before?”

“No, Maribelle mentioned it to me last night. Never heard of you before that.”

His eyebrow twitches but it’s such a minuscule movement, you’re sure you wouldn’t have noticed it if you weren’t so good at reading people. It took a lot to be a nurse and part of that job was knowing when a patient was lying or not, whether a patient was agitated or not, and a variety of other emotions that weren’t clearly defined but just as important to know and recognize. You not knowing who he was seems to be a kick to his ego, but it quickly dawns on him that he was a topic of conversation for the two of you last night after your initial meeting.  

You finally look up at his face and can confirm he’s just as handsome in the unflattering light of the hospital as he is in the moonlight outside, and you feel your stomach flip flop. Was he bothering you now because you had made your attraction to him that obvious? Did he think you were easy, willing to fall into those muscly, beautifully tattooed arms of his? When you thought about it more, the only thing stopping you from immediately jumping his bones in a wonderful one night stand would be the odd religion that he’s apart of.

Well, weren’t you technically apart of it yourself? You had agreed to go with Maribelle again, against your better judgment, so was that enough to actually consider yourself a member of Eden’s Gate?

“I actually came to ask you a question, to open a discussion, I should say. There’s a process to go through if you wish to truly absolve yourself of your sins and become a devoted member of the church.” John suddenly looks serious, and Maribelle, who had been listening in the entire time, makes herself busy with a patient who buzzes the desk. “What do you think your sin would be?”

This is probably a hard question or some, even the non-narcissistic folks who don’t think the sun shines out of their ass. If you were being honest, you had never been one to run from who you were; you knew your flaws well, accepted them for what they are, and even actively attempted to change the ones that had become a detriment to you living your life. There were still many problems your introspective personality couldn’t cure, but figuring out which sin represents you the most isn’t a problem.

“Sloth.” You reply without missing a beat, and by the surprised look on John’s face, you don’t think he saw that coming. He touches the front part of his chest for a brief moment before he crosses his arms, looking at you closely. Was he like Joseph, able to read the words written directly across your heart, or was there something else he was looking for?  

“Interesting.” Is what he finally says in response, and you can tell (to your relief) that the conversation is coming to an end. “I hope you enjoy your nap, my lovely little nurse. I look forward to seeing you tonight.”

Now, you’re not quite sure what he means by ‘see you tonight’ but you’re too fixated on him calling you a lovely little nurse, and specifying ‘his’. There’s no doubt in your mind this is a man talented at flirting, probably some type of womanizer, which in your mind is a bit of a turn-off. You were never a fan of a man who liked more than one woman at once, wanting that ‘special’ feeling of being the only one he had eyes for, but you got the sense that you’d made an impression on John that day.

“Maribelle!” You peek your head into the empty room where she was hiding, looking up at you with guilty eyes.

“Sorry to leave you like that, hon, but I think he really wanted to talk to you alone.”

“You think he wanted to talk to me alone?”

“Well… he told me that after I let him through security. I’m tellin’ ya, I’ve seen smitten men in my life and that man is interested in you!”

“Maybe not in the way you’re thinking, I think it’s just related to this Cult… religion business.” Maribelle nods her head.

“He did tell me about the baptisms that’ll happen tonight, I told him we’d be comin’ along for the ride, since we’re so dedicated to the church and all.”

Since when did you agree to be dedicated to the church? You glare at her and she shrugs her shoulders, telling you without words that she means well but she didn’t know how to convince you otherwise.

“Maybe… it’ll be fun?” She offers up weakly.

“A baptism? Fun?”

“Maybe if he’s the one dunkin’ us.”

“I’m going to need you to drink some water and stop being so thirsty, Maribelle, you’re killing me.”

“I don’t exactly know what that means, sugar, but maybe you should stop drinking water and get thirstier.”

“That makes no sense, please never say those words in that order to me ever again, my thirst is quenched, thank you very much.”

“By leftie, or righty?”

“Goodbye, Mari, I’m taking my nap.”

She waves you off and allows you to go on your merry way to take your nap and rest up before things pick up again, and you quickly take the opportunity to nab a bed in the on-call room before the bed is taken and you have to just sleep on the floor.

Your dream is slightly ominous, filled with fog and confusion, and you can’t make much sense of the world around you. There’s piercing blue eyes that you spot through the fog that bring you a sense of comfort but you’re pulling away from them, stumbling backwards away from the comfort and falling into a cesspool of dread. That doesn’t last long however, as two outstretched arms reach for you, and your body moves on its own will towards the arms. At first they belong to the Father, to Joseph, but they soon morph into a familiar form before your very eyes.

It’s John holding you, a comforting hand on the back of your head as he guides your face into his shoulder. You don’t want to move, not now, not ever, especially as the feeling dread begins to drip from your body like water and is replaced with something far more pleasant. You cling to him as he clings to you, and as you glance over his shoulder you can see the image of two other people standing beside Joseph, though you can’t make out their forms. They feel weirdly familiar, as though they’re giving you approval, and you feel John’s grip on you tighten.

Needless to say, you’re pissed when you’re woken up from such a pleasant dream, but after a few groggy seconds, you’re thrown back into the fire of an emergency on the ward. By the time you’re finished helping the other nurses corral an angry patient and help treat the injuries they inflicted upon themselves, the dream is all but forgotten.

But the feelings are not.

You can feel your thoughts wandering to John whether you want them to or not, you feel this tug on your heart as you think about him and it’s beyond frustrating. To think you’d gained a crush on someone who was part of a cult was beyond your comprehension, and you wanted to think about it as little as possible; soon this little cult would wither away, it would wither and die, and you’d never have to hear from the Seed siblings again.

But that wasn’t in God’s plan.


	3. The Baptism

You’re forced into a simple dress by Maribelle, white, because that was what John had told her to wear for the baptism. She hadn’t thought to tell you until later that you and her were among the people getting baptized, and though she saw you wanted to run from it, she refused to let you.

“You need somethin’ new in your life, hon. You need to do something with your free time ‘sides sittin’ on your couch starin’ at a book.”

“It’s called reading, Mari, you know how to do it.”

“I know, but that doesn’t get you outta the house, does it?”

You’re still questioning the church, questioning whether Joseph truly talked to God or not, but John, unfortunately, has you hooked. Being honest with yourself, which you were rather often, was having to admit that your main draw to the church was now the younger brother of the Father rather than the actual religion itself. Were there good points behind Joseph’s words? Some of it made sense, and hopefully that wasn’t just you going down the cloud cuckoo lander rabbit hole with the rest of the overly dedicated members.

It felt weird to call the other members cultists now, even though you were still pretty sure that’s what they were; wouldn’t that make you a cultist, too? You didn’t feel like one, but perhaps that’s because you weren’t fully dedicated to the cause like the others were. You were going along out of convenience, to get out of the house, and to watch over Maribelle to assure she didn’t sign her life away to some nutjob. Or was that just an excuse? Were you just making endless excuses for something you actually found fascinating? Was it a defense mechanism to protect yourself from having to admit you were a terrible person clearly seeking comfort from the worlds problems in the least confrontational way possible?

You wondered if you could ever change, if you could become a more decisive person who has strong beliefs and a moral compass others would be proud of, but you brush away the thought. There were other things in your more immediate future to worry about, you could put this one issue on the back burner for now.

 _‘Oh my God, this really is a cult,’_ is your first thought upon reaching the church at the assigned time, seeing all the others dressed in a similar fashion to you and your friend. You cringe at being one of them, wondering what an outsider looking in might think, but keep your thoughts to yourself to not ruin Maribelle’s brightening mood. Talking about the church seemed to distract her from her home troubles, and musing over Joseph’s words had given her a new foundation in life to build off of. You don’t know if she could manage to convince her kids to go, but maybe it could be a life-changing family event for them.

You’re relieved to see there’s actually a large number of people arriving to be baptized, and then momentarily frightened when you realize just how many people were beginning to join Joseph’s side. You’re not positive why that even scares you, it wasn’t shocking that people would flock towards something that brings them comfort, but what would he do if given even more power? Would the Father remain as humble and loving towards you all, or…?

You’re given nearly no time to think when you feel a hand stroke the side of your arm, and you almost consider the touch accidental until you turn to see John directly beside you. He’s carrying a special white bible, clutched in one hand while the other hand that had just caressed your skin was idling hanging by his side. You have half the mind to tell him to keep his hands to himself, but once again with your internal honesty, you knew you didn’t mind his touch at all.

Worst of all, he knew it, too.

“I’m glad to see you’ve shown up, our conversation earlier was enlightening.” He’s talking low so that others can’t hear, not even Maribelle who’s chatting up another Eden’s Gate member right next to you. “The cleansing is like being reborn as a new person, you will confess your sins, and be offered atonement.”

You don’t know how taking a fully clothed bath had anything to do with being reborn or redemption or whatever he’d just said, but you’re annoyed that he knows how to make you nervous. After he knows he’s got you bothered he disappears into the crowd, appearing before the long line that’s been formed and leading them towards a lake towards the side of the church.

There’s some relief that floods over you when you see that other, more advanced members are the ones dunking you into the water and not John himself. He stands on the edge of the lake and carefully watches as multiple people are baptized at once, blessing them as they walk forward to step out and reach their final form, or something like that. You’re making jokes in your head now as you grow nervous, getting closer and closer to being the one getting half-way drowned in the water. When you and Maribelle are up to bat, you’re slow to get in the water, not liking how cold it is and how the dress clings, but taking some comfort in knowing it’ll all be over soon. You couldn’t wait to be home, curled up on your couch, with no obligations and no frustrating men around to bother you.

“Let me handle this one.”

You didn’t notice John hand off his bible to another person, nor did you hear him make his way over to you until he was up close and personal. John pushes back the other member and stands in front of you, a smirk on his face again.

He made you a special case, in front of so many other people who were now staring because he wanted to be the one to baptize you, and you can feel the embarrassment creeping up. You hated the amount of attention you were getting because of him, your skin crawling, and you could tell he _loved_ it. The look on your face was more than enough to satisfy him, and you wondered just how sadistic he could get when it came to making you uncomfortable.

Honestly, you don’t know what his intentions are, but you wouldn’t fight it if he wanted to drown you.

You try not to be too tense as he dips and holds you under the water, his fingers creating some pressure on the exposed skin that it touches. You wonder if he’ll do something odd like hold you under water longer than necessary, maybe actually drown you, but he lifts you back up at the same time as Maribelle. Now your entire body is freezing cold and you crave being home more than anything, but there’s something else still on your mind.

You glance down at his exposed arms and note all the tattoos with curiosity, wondering the meanings behind them before you whip your head away. John was, of course, watching you with an unreadable expression on his face, but the same mildly infuriating cocky look comes back on once you make eye contact. You look away towards Maribelle who looks like she really might be reborn, eyes and smile bright as she’s blessed by John before exiting the water. John blesses you, too, but you feel like he keeps using excuses to touch you, and you can’t say you mind.

What is it about his touch that feels so familiar?

Your previously forgotten dream rushes through your mind as your hair drips with water, and you quickly become flustered, remembering how close he had held you in it. You didn’t know the type of man he was nor did you know if he would ever hold you that close, but it was becoming harder and harder to deny the call to join Eden’s Gate. The longer you spent listening to Joseph, who came to say a few words after the baptisms had ended, the more you believed that you had been guided to be here. That this is where you’re meant to be, even if you were still uneasy.

What would have happened if you left successfully? What if you had never moved here?

You try to stop yourself but can’t help but indulge in one last look at John before you head home for the evening, and you find it amusing to see him staring straight back at you. Though you try to avoid encouraging him to stare at you like a creep, and normally avoid acknowledging the weird tension between you, this time you have a different reaction.

You smile.

John’s face drops for a second, this time he’s the one who breaks eye contact and pretends to be listening to his brother, who’s speaking directly next to him to a small group of members. He briefly glances your way again before his eyes dart back to Joseph, leaving you to be the one amused from this interaction.

He could handle weird tension, teasing, things that were mildly insulting even, but he couldn’t handle your genuine smile? God, men were something else, but you don’t let it bother you. You’re actually pleased by his reaction; it looks like you knew a little bit of how to get a rise out of him, too.

“That was like a breath o’ fresh air, wasn’t it?” Maribelle lets out a content sigh as she slams her truck door closed. “I’m so glad we did this together. Don’t know anyone else out there who’d have my back like this, especially not someone about twenty years younger than me.”

“Hey now, we’re the same age, aren’t we? We’re in our youthful prime.”

“Maybe you, honey bee.” She starts the truck. “And don’t think I didn’t notice who personally baptized you. That must be some type of honor! Now, gettin’ the Father himself would probably be the greatest honor, I would think. But one of his brothers is just as good, right?”

“You… I don’t know what you’re digging for, but you won’t find it here.” You look away, knowing she just wants you to reveal some of your own personal thoughts and feelings on the brothers.

“Your thirst ain’t been quenched yet.” Maribelle sighs. “You promise to tell me all about when it finally happens?”

“What makes you think anything will happen?”

“Well, while we were getting baptized the Father was back there the whole time, you know? That other brother was there too, gruff lookin’ one, and they were watchin’ you and John.” You whip your head over to look at her, having missed that detail entirely. You hadn’t noticed the Father approach until you had already exited the water, nor do you remember seeing the third brother there at all. “You musta been real enamored with him if you didn’t notice. Anyways, as I was sayin’, the Father looked pretty pleased to see John gettin’ hands on with you.”

“I doubt that’s what he was looking pleased about-”

“I’m tellin’ you, the Father knows. You have to trust him more. I know you don’t believe in religion and all that, that you don’t really know if you can trust ‘im, but just… let go. Let go of all your pre-conceived notions and just feel what ya feel.”

“So what, exactly, are you implying here?”

“I’m implyin’ that the Father approves of you and his brother, and that once you get the Father’s blessin’, that must really mean somethin’. That’s all.”

“Maribelle… I really need to know what you’ve been snorting between shifts because I need some of that shit in my life.”

“Language!”


	4. Visiting an Old Friend

You’ve been going to church almost daily now, every time you didn’t work nights Maribelle would bring you and you would go just to hear what Joseph has to say next. You write down some of things he says that you can remember when you’re home, interested in his views of the world and its people. To you, it’s clear he loves those under him, those who look up to him, and he regards them all as part of his family. If there was at least one admirable thing about him, it would be that Joseph Seed truly believes in everything he tells his followers.

But your decision to become a member of Joseph’s flock is not without opposition in your own circle of friends.

You had been nervous about facing Nick again, especially because he had made his opinion clear on Eden’s Gate and the Seeds. He seemed to have had a few less than pleasant interactions with them, mostly with John it seemed, which didn’t surprise you. Nick was rather bigheaded himself, so coming up against someone who also had an ego was probably an unwelcome, frustrating experience for him. You hadn’t said that to him, of course, mostly because you hadn’t talked to him for a long while.

That’s why you decided to visit him today.

“Hey, anyone home?” You knock on the door politely, but knowing at this point you’re more like family, you enter a few seconds later without needing a reply.

You’d met Nick when you first moved down this way and formed an unlikely friendship, mostly because there weren’t many others who lived in the same area who were the same age as you were. You’d met first as teenagers, causing trouble in high school, drinking whenever you could, and just being nuisances in general. He became a little more put together once he hit eighteen and started to learn more about the aviation business, even offering to take you up in the air sometime; your fear of heights had you decline that offer as quickly as you could.

Either way, it’s a friendship that’s lasted for years, maybe around thirteen if you were getting the math right. You didn’t have as much time to spend with him as you did before, and he was getting ready to have a family of his own with his wife Kim, whose company you also enjoyed, but you made time to visit him when you had off work. Plus, you wanted a reason to deny Maribelle’s request for you to go to church with her that night. Your mind was becoming too muddled for you to enjoy the experience, and you needed a fresh taste of the other side.

“Hey, stranger! Ain’t see you around these parts in a long time!” Nick brings you into a tight hug and you laugh, leaning into his touch and patting his back affectionately. You can’t help but briefly think about the fact his touch brings you something different than John and Joseph, it’s comfort, care, and warmth. He really was your best friend, which made it harder for you to tell him about your new… hobby?

What even was it?

“What have you been doin’ with your life?” Nick asks, handing you a beer and settling onto the couch beside you. Kim joins you shortly afterwards, settling down to sit in front of you two.

“Well, you… might not really approve of what I’ve been doing.” His eyes narrow and you can tell he’s already trying to think of all the possible ways you could piss him off.

“Don’t tell me-”

“Well, I’m baptized now, so your granddaddy would be proud!”

“Baptized? By those fuckin’ nutjobs?” He gives you an incredulous look. “You nearly gave my grandad a heart attack tellin’ him you never went to church, and now you’re joinin’ a _cult_?” 

“Well, look. I don’t really believe in a lot of that stuff, you know that, I just went with Maribelle out of curiosity. And then…” There were a lot of things you could tell Nick, but confessing you were attracted to a Seed was most likely not one of them. He already looked agitated to hear you were even mingling with them, you can’t imagine his reaction to telling him you were sort of enamored with John Seed. “Let’s uh, switch topics, yeah? How’s the baby makin’ going?”

You would think this would be an awkward topic of conversation, asking your best friend how it’s going with impregnating his wife, but you can tell he’s relieved (and a bit excited) to talk about it. Kim takes the reigns quickly and begins to explain about her various doctor visits to make sure she was healthy and fertile enough to have a baby, with Nick injecting his opinion a few times to explain how he thinks the visits were pointless and they should just get to it.

“Can’t wait to see a little Nick Jr. toddling around the house, you better hide the beer, don’t want him to get started to early.”

“Psh, I’m gonna raise my kids different than how I was raised. Granny taught me how to shoot too early, three was just too young.” He shakes his head. “I’m gonna wait until mine are at least five.”

“Oh, good. How do you feel about that Kim?”

“We’ve settled on that age together, better than handing the baby a gun straight out the womb.”

“You know what, I’m gonna have to agree with you there.”

You forgot how easy it was to be around them, to laugh freely and talk about stupid topics that don’t even matter, like the odd influx of wolverines attacking unsuspecting civilians in the area. You’ve been hearing so much about the worlds potential end, about violence and hatred running rampant in the world, you hadn’t realized how emotionally exhausted you were; being with them was like refilling your social meter, setting your shoulders at ease and allowing the tense feelings to float away for a while.

The time to go home and slumber comes too quickly for your taste, but you had work the next morning, and you didn’t want to be caught half-asleep and off-guard again by a certain someone. You give Kim and quick hug before Nick walks you to the door, glancing back to see if Kim’s entered the kitchen before he takes a step outside with you.

“I’m worried about you and that cult.”

You should’ve known that Nick hadn’t forgotten what you had told him, even after the topic had turned more pleasant. He’d always had a protective streak over you, even when you were teenagers hanging around his other friends; he had made it clear they weren’t to even think about you in a dirty way, or so help him he’d consider ripping their dicks off. He said it’s because it’s obvious you won’t defend yourself, going with the flow of what was happening even if it left you with regrets, and you couldn’t say you disagreed with that assessment. Even back when you were a kid you were easily swayed, with no solid direction and just… going along with what was happening. You’d gained some independent thought since then, but Nick hadn’t grown out of his protector role.

“Nicky, you really don’t have to worry about me. They’re a little weird, but kinda harmless. I haven’t seen anything weird or suspicious… that other religions don’t do, anyway.” He shakes his head.

“You always try to see the best in everythin’ and it’s gonna get you killed one day, you know?”

“I know.” Your heart feels heavy and your anxiety spikes, suddenly feeling how foreboding this conversation was going to be. “I’m keeping my wits about me, I promise. If anything awful or scary happens, I’m out of there.”

“You think they’ll let you leave, just like that? Damn, have you ever watched a documentary in your life?”

“Have you?”

“Now, that’s funny but I’m not in the mood for laughing.” You hated when Nick was serious, it made you feel unsettled, like you were being scolded by your father. “I need you to be careful. Promise me that you’re not gonna let your mind be warped by those lunatics and what they’re preachin’.”

“I won’t.”

“Promise me.”

“I promise I won’t let the cult turn me into some loony who thinks they can foresee the end of the world as we know it.”

“Thank you.” You can tell he still has more to say but it’s getting late, and Kim is calling to him to come to bed and leave you be now. You give him one last hug, hopefully a reassuring one, before heading to your car.

You still think back to that conversation, even after all that’s happened, finding that you didn’t technically break your promise to Nick.

Technically.


	5. Tempting Fate

“You got a fucking tattoo?”

You stare at Maribelle wide-eyed, wondering why she couldn’t go one night without you chaperoning her; you feel guilty now for not attending the church meeting with her, especially because it seemed you missed an _incredibly_ important event. “Let me see what it says.”

“Envy. My sin.” She shakes her head, covering her shoulder back up with her uniform. “It was hard to think of, but… I think it fits me. John agreed.”

“He’s the one who did it?” She nods. “That’s… interesting.”

“A man who knows how to use his hands _is_ attractive.” Maribelle offers up with a knowing smile, and you roll your eyes, deciding you’d rather work than hear her two cents on how you should advance your relationship with John. “He asked about you while he did it, ya know. Wanted to know a little more about ya.”

“That’s because he’s incredibly nosy, and he’s being too obvious if he’s actually trying to flirt. Don’t you think something’s up?”

“Can you not just let good things happen to you? Why do you find it so hard to believe a man is interested and attracted to you to the point they want to get closer to you?”

“A lot of reasons.” You respond quickly, but you wonder if it’s because Nick’s gotten into your head.

He called you the day after you’d visited him to tell you some more about the Seeds and his interactions with them, which had all seemed friendly but they just managed to rub him the wrong way. You feel like he’s placing doubts in your head in an effort to pull you out of the grips of the cult, and you feel yourself just going along with it, like you always do. From your own personal experiences, the Seeds had never caused you any concern; Joseph welcomed you with open arms and patience despite your reluctance to believe in his words, you were incredibly attracted to John and liked to think your crazy radar would’ve gone off by this point if there was something seriously wrong with him, and for the third Seed sibling, well, you’d never met him so you couldn’t judge fully. 

When were you gonna learn to think for your damn self? When were you gonna realize that your own opinion matters? You know Nick cared about you and what you were doing, and you know the whole Eden’s Gate thing was odd, but damn it, the world wasn’t exactly a stable place at the moment. People did all sorts of crazy dumb shit, and maybe starting a cult is in the middle of the list of questionable things, but there were certainly things way worse, right?

God, you had to stop thinking about this deeply and just let it be.

Just let it be.

“Just… did John say when he was doing this atonement tattoo thing again?”

“Yes! I think his equipment is always on hand, we got them in this are real close to the church, so if you just went up and asked him after the Father’s sermon, I’m sure he’d make time for you.” She winks. “The alone time might do you good.”

“Alone time?”

“Yeah, he makes the experience personal, talks about the sins, atonement, how to better ourselves for Him, it’s fascinatin’ really.”

“You sure you’re not the one falling for those beautiful blue eyes of his?”

“Me the one who’s in love? You just described his eyes as beautiful.”

“Well, I’m not _blind_ , Mari. They are beautiful.”

Maribelle shakes her head at your nonsense, and soon the conversation turns back to work, discussing what has to be done before the shift is over. You become absorbed with your work for the day, thankful to not have to think deeply about any weirdly difficult topics and able to just focus on doing what you loved, helping people. Your friend seemed to want to tell you something else, but she rarely had the chance to corner you alone.

After hours of what seemed like no breaks, you’re packing up, ready to go home and soak your feet when Maribelle pulls you aside.

“The Father, he… well… has requested somethin’ from us.” You raise an eyebrow at her, urging her on to continue; you just wanted to get home to rest your feet, not wanting to dance around in a conversation that could just be straight-forward. “He wants us to help out on his Compound.”

“I’m sorry? _Compound_?” Okay, maybe now you would actually listen to all the things that Nick had been telling you, because the existence of a goddamn _Compound_ was truly making this seem even more cult-like. “Mari, do not tell me-”

“I already volunteered to help give out shots, and the like. There’s a few more elderly folks who live up there, and some families who don’t make it into town very often. The Father wants us to give them check-ups, shots, do doctorly things-”

“See, there’s where you lost me again because we’re not doctors. And as much as we know about medicine, we can’t just… do that. There’s laws and stuff to abide by, Mari.”

“I know that, and he knows that, so that’s why it’s on the downlow! He’s requested this from multiple institutions and they’ve all turned him down based on his reputation, can you IMAGINE? How unchristian-like is that?”

“I can’t say I’d blame them, feels like some sort of… trap. We gonna be trapped with no escape in sight?”

“Honey, you need to stop listening to the gossip around the water cooler. The Father is only lookin’ out for his people, for us, too, and the least we can do to thank him for sharin’ his visions with us is some medical check-ups.”

Do you really want to see if there’ll be a point of no return? Heading out to the Seed Compound and potentially getting trapped there forever as some sort of personal nurse to the Father? You’re anxious at the thought of your life turning into a horror movie but don’t want to let Maribelle down, nor do you want to make her look foolish if you don’t show up alongside her. Your thoughts had also _just_ been positive about Joseph, so why now were you suspecting him of being some serial killer? You were getting whiplash from your own thoughts.

Sighing in defeat, you give her a nod and pat her shoulder.

“Great, darlin’! You won’t regret this.” She clasps her hands together, eyes brightening now that convincing you was out of the way. “The Father said he had all the materials we’d need waitin’ for us when we get there.”  

“That… how did he get shots and the like? Seems weird to have medical materials without any medical personnel.”

“For someone who ignores terrible things all the time, you sure are focused on trying to prove there’s something wrong here.” You flinch at how harsh her words are, especially because she never talked to you like that. Maribelle was full of warmth and patience, to hear her tone turn so cold was out of the ordinary. “Do you understand how much the Father’s words have helped me live, day to day, after my husband died? Do you know the peace that comes with believing in someone, someone who’s lookin’ out for your best interest and who wants to protect you? You won’t ever understand if you don’t just listen. Just _listen_.”

To you, she sounds like a fanatic, and never before had she called you out for attempting to overthink a situation. Not to mention your concern was valid, what exactly were you injecting into these people? Your feet are crying for relief by this point, though, and you’re not willing to fight with Maribelle over something like this. You’d just have to see for yourself the ‘materials’ he had, and judge the situation. For now, you were done worrying about it.  

When you finally get home that night you’re tempted to call Nick and tell him what’s happening, but you’re positive he might drive himself over to your house and chain you inside it so you didn’t go anywhere near that Compound. You decide you’ll tell him after the experience, see what he has to say, maybe over a beer so it’ll shorten his inevitable _‘You’re an idiot’_ speech. You feel bad for keeping something like this from him, but now it was your insatiable curiosity throwing you into the frontlines.

Wasn’t curiosity what got you into this in the first place?

Curiosity _killed_ the cat, didn’t it?


	6. The Compound

The next few days pass without anything dramatic happening, though you think Nick might have a sense you’re about to do something potentially stupid because he called the night before to ask what you’d been up to lately. It nearly killed you to lie to him so blatantly and you could only hope he’d forgive you for it, but you didn’t want to argue with him when you already knew you were deadset on going regardless of his opinion.

Maribelle calls you early in the morning, on your day off, to say that Joseph had requested the two of you to come there today. You’re half asleep as you fumble around your drawers trying to find something clean (in both senses of the word); if you were going to be trapped forever in a Compound you were gonna be caught wearing something comfortable. You still think you’re just being dramatic about it all, only knowing about Compounds from previous cults that’d been on the news, and Maribelle’s words about keeping an open mind are still floating around your skull. 

The car ride is silent the entire way there, and you’re not itching for conversation either, your nerves abuzz and your anxiety at its strongest as you keep your eyes open for anything odd. The Compound, as you suspected, was in the middle of Montana wilderness, and you noted the gate being built around it. It must still be a relatively new creation, perhaps the Father saw his need expanding, and with a brother who keeps buying land all over Hope County… might as well, right? You couldn’t say what you’d do if you had a huge plot of land for yourself, maybe you’d build a compound too…

There’s an odd lack of signal when you drive into the Compound, and you find yourself nervously glancing at your phone more often, worried. The place looked peaceful enough, the houses on the land well taken care of and looking as though they were being taken care of as you drove by them. You eye the people who are working on the buildings, noting their odd tattoos and wardrobe; they were dressed almost entirely in white, but otherwise looked like normal Montanans. You and Maribelle were both dressed casually, like normal human beings, and would stick out like a sore thumb from the minute you arrived.

Joseph left a man in charge to take you to the medical tent, too busy himself preparing his next sermon or doomsday speech to rile up the cult members you assumed. You remain silent as Maribelle makes small talk, it being all too easy for her to talk ‘church’ with the people around her; the odd way people addressed, respected, and talked about God was what you liked to call ‘church’ talk, and you just couldn’t get it. To constantly be talking about sin, revelations, going on long-winded rants about things that could easily be narrowed down a sentence or two, it was like the Cult had their own language sometimes.

You’re more than happy to get to work instead of having to stick with your thoughts, running along the general things you had to do when checking up on a patient, and just rolling with it. Most were indeed elderly, and even some children were present, which lightened the mood considerably, up until the point they began to revere Joseph and talk about things far beyond their years. It was so eerie to be around this camp, where it seemed their entire life revolved around religion; you know the whole world is supposed to be ending or something, according to Joseph, but aren’t there more fun things to do before you hideout in a bunk for years on end?

There’s a commotion outside that makes you flinch, worried the revolution has come and you were now a prisoner of war, until a group of cultists donned in white carry in a struggling person. So now you were watching someone else get kidnapped? You’re frozen to your spot as you watch them take the struggling stranger to a table with straps, where he’s quickly held down to limit his movements. You don’t notice they’re calling for you until Maribelle quickly approaches them, waving you over to her side.

“We have to inject him with something to calm him down.” You tilt your head to the side, wondering exactly what you were supposed to inject him with and how, when the Star of the Cult enters the tent.

Joseph strolls over with something in his hand, a syringe filled with an odd-colored liquid that hurt your eyes to look out; just being near it made you feel a bit dizzy, but something made you take it from Joseph’s hand when he gave it to you.

To you, not Maribelle. You, the non-believer. You, the one who questions everything about him even when you don’t want to think about it.

_‘Don’t question it.’_ A voice whispers in your head. _‘If you want to see the light of tomorrow, keep your mouth shut.’_

You do your job with precision, injecting the drug directly into the persons veins, though you feel extremely guilty doing it. This is no drug you knew of, so what could it be? What was its effects? Was it going to actually help this man, or do him harm? You push those questions back as you watch all of the liquid drain from the syringe, careful as you pulled the needle out and watched a few drops fall to the ground. It almost looks like there was glitter in it, the way it sparkled when you looked at it, and you have to take a step back as you suddenly grow dizzy.

“Doin’ okay, kid?”

Maribelle is suddenly by your side, holding you up as Joseph approaches the patient. He leans down close, head pressed against the man whose movements became less and less jittery. You can see him whispering something but you can’t hear what it is, and you avert your eyes out of respect. It felt like eavesdropping on someone’s personal conversation. By the time Joseph stands upright again the man has stilled, and the members who had brought him in were just as quickly bringing him back out.

“Wait, shouldn’t he stay?” You ask, Joseph turning to give you his answer.

“Thank you for your help, my child, you’ve done well.” You grow nervous as he approaches, though you hope you don’t look too startled. The whole point of being part of this cult was to be one of them, and that means nearly having an orgasm every time Joseph directly addressed you. He presses his forehead against yours in the same affectionate way you’ve seen him do with his brothers, and the other members who were in his good graces; did this mean you had his approval? “I would like to speak with you later, before you leave.”

_‘So you can string me up in a cage and keep me as a personal pet?’_

“Okay… Father.” You just wanted the interaction to be over, the feeling of his skin against yours was making you feel… odd. Uncomfortable for sure, but there was something else about it that left you unsettled, maybe because _he_ wasn’t the one you wanted to be that close to you. He promptly exits the tent, but a new, injured woman takes his place.

“Could use some help here.” You look over towards the girl and note the burn wound on her arm, looking around to gather all the supplies you could to help her out. They were shockingly well stocked with medical supplies, nothing too complicated, but just enough that you had to wonder which Hospital they managed to steal these from. You sit her down on a cot and begin to attend to her arm when Maribelle walks over, since the tent was now empty.

“How did it feel to have the Father that close to you?” Maribelle asks, her eyes sparkling. “Maybe I was wrong about who you should be goin’ after.”

“Is now really the time, Mari?” You glance over at the girl, who shakes her head with a light-hearted smile.

“Don’t worry ‘bout me, I won’t tell anyone anything. I got secrets myself.” She seems to regret actually mentioning that a moment later, and if she was just dealing with you, her secrets would’ve been safe. But unfortunately for her, Maribelle has good hearing, and there was no way she was getting out of that one. “My names Holly, by the way.”

“Well, Holly, secrets are meant to be told. Is it related to the Father, or his brothers? Which one do you fancy?” Aside from Joseph there were only two more, one you didn’t know and one you most certainly weren’t attracted to.

“I shouldn’t say anything…” She repeats, but you can tell she’s itching to get it out now that Maribelle was clearly interested. “I sleep with one of them. From time to time.”

“Spit it out.” Maribelle demands, almost aggressively.

“…It’s John.”

Maribelle nearly stumbles over and knocks over the small medical kit you’re using on Holly over, and you give her a quick glare. There’s emotions bubbling up in your stomach, rising to your chest, but you keep your mouth zipped shut as you focus on treating the burn on Holly’s arm. Maribelle is quick to gather up the dropped supplies and dumping them out, before returning and giving your patient a bright smile.

“Handsome, ain’t he?” Holly gives a brief smile before she looks back at her arm, where you continue to carefully clean her wound with a completely straight face despite the intense jealousy you were feeling in the moment. “Don’t say nothin’ though.”

“Oh, we wouldn’t, honey.” Maribelle leans over towards Holly, “How big is he?”

“Mari, mind ya business!” You push her away with your free hand, “Shoo! Isn’t there something else for you to clean?”

You begin a casual conversation with Holly from that point, asking her about when she joined Joseph’s flock and for what reason; she’s even more reluctant to mention her abusive husband, but there is some familiarity with her story. She hadn’t necessarily believed everything Joseph said (though she was religious, and did believe in God) but she felt this was the safest place to be.

“Why do you think that?” You ask quietly, so Maribelle doesn’t hear.

“I have a feelin’ things are gonna change. Real soon.” She looks around the tent. “I have a feelin’ we’re really gonna need you two, and that bein’ here… is the best bet.”

“I think I have to agree with you.” You finish up bandaging her arm, and Holly thanks you. “Make sure to keep it clean, come back for fresh bandages if those get dirty.”

You watch her leave the tent and, now that you’re alone, you know Maribelle is about to question you in a way that’ll leave you squirming and wishing you’d never followed her to this church. There’s a part of you that still wants to pull away, but something tells you you’re already in too deep. Joseph wanted to meet with you personally afterwards, you’d be invited on the Compound and baptized, not to mention you might be shortly receiving a tattoo of your ‘mortal sin’ which would be a rather permanent reminder of this time of your life.

“Did ya hear that?”

“Yeah, Mari, hard not to.” You seat yourself on a cot and she sits herself next to you.

“It means ya have hope!”

“Excuse me?”

“Clearly Mr. John Seed don’t have problems sleepin’ with members of his brothers flock, so…” She shrugs her shoulders, “You still have the chance to win his heart.”

“That’s dramatic, Mari, and questionable advice, considering who he is and who he’s related to.”

“I think he’s the perfect match. And don’t forget that special baptism he gave you, those damn eyes of his never leave you if he notices you and he _always_ notices you. That’s gotta mean something.” She’s a woman much older than you, with more experience, and you wonder if you should just listen to her. Maybe you weren’t being more realistic, maybe you were just being negative about yourself for no reason at all. Or maybe it was a defense mechanism to stop you from making a stupid mistake that might permanently damage your life, and your brain was helping you more than you realized.

“Well, he hasn’t stuck his dick in me so I think Holly has that advantage.” Maribelle slaps your arm and you recoil, wincing and rubbing the now sore skin.

“Watch your language! Sex isn’t everthin’ darlin’, and it’s sad I gotta be the one to tell you that.” Maribelle let out a deep, sad sigh. “My husband and I had a connection like no other, and I’ll never feel that again, honey. It’s all about that initial spark that slowly gets more comfortable, it nestles its way into your heart, and it never fades. That’s how ya know you find a soulmate.”

“…Do you talk about your husband with your kids?”

“Sometimes.” She replies, looking down towards her knees. “More often than they like, I think, but I don’t wanna not talk about him. Maybe that’s why they left me, ‘cause bein’ around me is too hard without him around, too.”

“Maybe they can just see how much pain you’re in and it’s too much for them, too. Your daughter, she’s like, fifteen right?” Maribelle nods. “Especially at that age, you begin to realize that nobody’s perfect. That your parents who are your idols are all just as fucked up as you are, but it’s when you become an adult yourself you really realize that adults don’t have it together as much as we’d all like to think. Maybe the time away will do her good?”

“She’s agreed to come to the Church with me.” You bit your lip at the thought of her daughter becoming just like her, just like the children here who revere Joseph as the closest thing to God they could interact with, and you wonder if that’s what the future of Montana will look like.

“That’s great.” You lied through your teeth, patting her hand. “Maybe it’ll give you guys a second chance to talk about all this.”

You’re ready to seek out Joseph when the tent flap opens, and from the way Maribelle’s eyes light up, you know exactly who it is without even having to look. You can hear the sound his shoes make in the dirt and you spot them, slightly fancy considering where he is, but you’re not surprised. He seemed to be a man of fashion who carried himself highly, and you quietly wonder what sin best represented him. Lust? That would make sense. Greed? He was a lawyer with a good inheritance.

While you’re stuck thinking about things that don’t really matter, or that you could easily get an answer to should you just ask him, John moves to stand directly in front of you. Maribelle stands up to greet him and John is warm and cordial back to her, but there’s something about his greeting that makes you think it’s an act. You might not know much about him at this point, but you can tell his overwhelming natural charisma was a cover for something, for what, you hadn’t found out quite yet. No man was without flaws.

“You didn’t attend mass the other day.” He starts out playfully. “Afraid of needles?”

“Just busy.” You respond, trying to keep your tone casual. “Met up with an old friend.”

John quirks an eyebrow at this but doesn’t question you further, though you can see the curiosity behind his gaze. He reaches out a hand to help you up and you take it, the skin-to-skin contact making you shiver; his hands were a little rough, his grip tight as he takes your hand in his and helps you to stand. You feel his thumb stroke the top of your hand before he releases it, causing butterflies to burst forth in your stomach. Maybe you hadn’t had a lover for a while, but that touch felt rather _affectionate_ and flirtatious.

You wanted more of his attention, finding yourself suddenly craving it, and that’s why you jump at the chance to be alone with him.

“Shall we go atone for our sins?”


End file.
